No enabling here.

As it turns out Maria is having Chris help her today. I am glad because Chris knows a lot of people down there from family to church so she knows of atleast one woman that needs a room mate and she is also taking her to see the transitional home in South Sac today. Chris is a lot more compasionate towards Maria than I am. I know it is because she is new to dealing with Maria and her problems and she is very Christian like. I on the other hand don't buy into all of her bullshit. To enable her and coddle her is to kill her. Chris is a huge enabler both to her kids and other addicts/alcoholics. Afterall she put up with Peter shooting dope, spending all their money on doing dope and him fucking any thing that walked behind her back for 15 years. She says she did it for the kids. Actually Jared was the only kid and while her and Peter were separated they did nasty and she got pregnant with Andrew. 6 months after Andrew was born she met her current husband and tey have been together ever since. I bet she got together with him out of necessity too. A single mom with two kids having to raise them alone because the dad is off being stupid. She finally stopped letting Peter see the kids because it wasn't safe any more. So it takes her a while to finally say enough. I don't pretend to understand what Maria is going through and I don't show a whole lot of sympathy because she got herself into this mess. She is NOT a victim like she likes to think of herself. The sooner she starts taking resposibility for the things that happen to her the sooner shewill get better. I am good at though love and I think that is why I am a good parent and why I will make a good nurse. I can detach but still have a good bedside manner.

Denial is not a river in Egypt

Peter's sister has known for about a month that the woman she lives with and rents a room from, was having her home foreclosed and that they were going to be evicted. She didn't save money to move. Didn't start looking and I mean really looking to move til the end of last week. I found out yesterday that the day they are supposed to be out is Tues. I had already offered assistance to Maria to pack and move her things or to come over to use our computer to look for a place. Well she said she kept being tlod by Cindy that those notices weren't legal and that they weren't getting evicted. She should never listen to that insane woman. She is a paranoid schizophrenic, bipolar with dual personalities. For real. Cindy has not packed one thing and while I dropped Maria back off at her house , Cindy's aunt came over to talk. Cindy wouldn't come out of her room so the aunt talked to us and we found out that Cindy took out an equity loan on a house that was completely paid for and inherited by her. She was not making payments on the equity loan and the aunt didn't know it. She could have helped Cindy but Cindy would not return her calls etc. The aunst said she went off her medication. Yeah she thinks that a woman sherriff comes over her house and sits in her garage to spy on her. This house had no lights. It had not been cleaned in any way for 20 years. There were 2 dogs and 4 cats living in the home and smelled like a piss and shit infested puss sore. The inside of the home was staked with piles of clutter all over and it was a maze to get from room to room. There big globs of dirt, grime, thick black, red and brown stains on the carpet and walls. Holes in most walls and doors. The bathroom had a toilet and shower but the sink and vanity was gone. Just a mirror was left on the wall. The inside of the house looked like the bacteria one could see on a slide under a microscope. His sister has always been suicidal but she chose to live there becaus of the dog. I told her any one lving in that environment would be suicidal. The only way Peter or Uncle Solar would let her stay for a temporary time was with out this pit bull like dog. She will not put him down so she is waiting til tomorrow to see if the cops come at 6 am to kick them out and change the locks. We did go and get a storage unit for her today, using the majority of the $200 she had left for the rest of the month. Where her fucking money goes I will never know. We believe she just expects her family to foot her bills all the time. Typically Ojiichan has. He is enabling her ight into the grave. We, as in me, Peter's ex wife and Maria, loaded three truck loads into her storage. Then we went to lunch and chatted for a while. Any ways tonight Maria says she remembers this clean and sober place in South Sac. (gang city, hell hole, shit town, roach infested, crime oozing, gun shots flying part of town) that would take her and her dog. So that is probably where I am taking her tomorrow. She is all upset, feeling like she is forced to put her dog down but we have been telling her for years to move out of that shit hole. I feel bad for her on one hand and mad at her on the other. I was not very sympathetic. I did tell her that lack of planning on her part does not constitute an emergency on our part. I also told her that I have to support Peter in his decisions as I agree with him. I do not want that dog around my family but she is welcome to stay with us TEMPORARILY. She doesn't ant to live all the way up here. She says there is nothing up here for her. What the fuck. There is nothing down there for her. Same with Unclse Solar. He offered her to tay temporarily but with out the dog. She said she didn't want to live with him because he is telling her she has to have a plan and to keep moving toward that plan. Then she will start crying and say but I don't have a plan. I said Maria, he is just asking you to have a plan like go get a job, looking for a permanent home, etc etc. Those are not too hard of rules. But I think she just wants an excuse to fuck off and stay miserable, poor me, provide for me because I have a mental illness and can't function without this damn dog and this depression. I told Peter part of me wants to say fine let her fall flat on hr face. Maybe that will be her bottom and make her willing to change but there is always that fear of her committing suicide. Peter found her one time hanging from the rafters in their garage when they lived together many many years ago. They both were shooting dope. As far as I know she has been clean and sober for a few months now but who knows after tomorrow.

School, Auntie Maria, my Peter

I took my math test today and I felt like I missed a ton of problems. I am not to happy with myself. My study time that I chose was inappropriate because Aiden was home and constantly interrupted me. Then I had to break and put him to bed. When I layed down next to him I fell asleep and woke up at 1 am. So I stayed up and studied for an hour. I did not do practice problems as I have done in the past. So not only did I miss the first test, I probably bombed the second test. I am doing great with understanding the math though and am able to complete my homework with out the assistance of my tutor. I always speak up in class. (Both classes actually) Any ways I will do better next time.

Uncle solar was going to bring Seiji up late this afternoon but his work required him to cancel. Now Peter's sister is going to come over on Fri and spend time with us til Sun. Last time we hung out with her last weekend I stressed that she should come over to get out of that environment. she looks a million times better now that she is clean. Before her face was picked at so bad she would get staff infections. She always had several huge open sores all over. It was mighty gross. No sores now though. I used to hate it when she touched my child and I got to the point where I would always asked, "do you have an infection and can you cover your sores with bandages please." She was understanding. Any ways, she is trying to stay clean and is still suffering from depression. She has been bipolar and depressed her entire life. She has attempted suicide more than once and has been suicidal several times requiring the cops coming an taking her to psychiatric facilities or her father taking her to the hospital. Peter has told her nearly weekly to get out of that house (she lives with a crazy drug using person in one of those cold, dark, dingy, filthy, piled high with junk houses) I have been inside and there is no method of any sort, and no decorating. For example, lawn chairs in front of a tv set on card board boxes and other pieces of furniture or large awkward items all about the entire room. You have to walk in sort of a maze like fashion to get from one room to the next. Well enough about that. I am just glad she has decided to come. We need to see about taking her out for fun. Her long time room mate, like we are talking close to 15 years, has schizophrenia, bipolar and addiction. She hears voices, believs that the cops are watching her and getting in through the garage, setting up surveillance viewing in there because the house has camera's watching her. She will often times go out side and scream at the top of her lungs, usually a slew of swear words and finally to get the F*** out of her house. Well enough about all that madness.

I went to a meeting today as it has been a loooong time since I did. I will be going again Sunday but at the Madhouse to see Peter get his 6 year chip presented to him. I have been thinking about going up and saying something (pre-prepared speach of some sort. The difficult parts are that there will be about a minimum of 50 people in the room. Many of whom I will know and even more that I don't. In addition, when I say a speech in regards to a loved one, I always get choked up, cry and then I am unable to speak except in squeaky, unintelligible sentences. Doesn't that sound like fun. In the past Peter has asked me to come and present his chip and I always have chickened out. I do feel it is important though because out of those six years, Peter and I have been together for 5. Tons of people from the made house believe Peter and I would not make it together. Many people told Peter to give up on me and let me go because of my relapses. Many people did not approve of our relationship. Many people were jealous too. Now I can stand up there with a nice sparkling ring on my finger and a billion wonderful things to say about Peter and what he does for his recover and for his family. What a walking miracle he is. He used to cook and sell his own dope, get sex from bag whores (women who want a bag of dope exchanged sex to get it). These women must have been unclean, filthy, and would do basically anything to get a bag of dope. I imagine with Peter being on dope and the nature of that drug making you want to fuck for hours with out stopping, did so with these women. That is one of the reasons he is so fucked up about sex. I am getting hung with another woman's rope basically or many women I should say. He was also homeless at one point, lost everything he owned because he couldn't pay for storage any more, rode a bike ever where, got arrested several times, had three felonies for drug possession and paraphernalia so he he did more than two years of jail time. Now look where he is at today. Pretty fucking amazing if you ask me. He has always been the rock of our family.