tad freaked out Finances

I am 40 and Peter will be 48 in June. Both of us in our addictions, squandered any and all moneys saved for retirement. Peter would have been a millionaire easily. Would have been!! I had money in stocks, a retirement account and money from the sale of my house that I blew through in one bad year. Now we are like the grasshopper in that story about a grasshopper and I think an ant. Where the ant stored up food for the winter but the grasshopper didn't. Something like that, but you get the picture. We or I have been intending to start something up for us, but as I was taking a walk yesterday I noticed that the house next to our realtors, which is the same model as ours, has a sale pending sign on it. I looked at the flyer and it was selling for $399,000. We originally bought our house for upwards of $435,000 then we put upgrades in and have that damned equity loan, so now we owe about $450,000. We are fucked royally. I talked to my dad yesterday about it briefly, but that was before I saw the sale pending sign. I had told my dad that yes we would need his help, which my dad offered to us several weeks ago, and that we are most likely selling my fully paid for Expedition and the Dodge Ram. The dodge we are trading in for a more family vehicle with beter gas mileage and the money from my Ford will go toward a refinance loan together with the help from my father. But now I am afraid all of that isn't going to be enough. My dad has a great retirement. He gets checks every month and he has his savings from the sale of his house both in a savings account and in CD's, stocks and other interest accounts. I do not want to plow through what would have been my inheritance but, I also do not want to lose this house by short sale or by foreclosure. I had plans for my inheritance money going into retirement and money for my son for college and stuff like that. Shit what should we do. My dad I know is helping, because he knows how hard we worked to get this house and he wants a home for us, he adores Peter and Aiden, but he is also helping, because he wants me to finish college. Him and Monti are so proud of me they could pop!! I have come such a friggin long way and all this crap f's up our plans big time. We made a mistake a big one. I say we, because I should have been clean and sober, then Peter would have listened to my opinion about not getting the equity loan and I should have been clean and sober and more involved in the original loan process as I could have warned him about the potential of exactly what is happening to us. latly I have been telling him I want to be more involved in our finances. He is a control freak and up until know didn't want me to have access to anything because he didn't trust me. I have finally ganed his trust and I want to make sure I agree with what he does. We have a shit load of credit cards and all I know is that he has been paying hundreds of dollars more each month to get them down to a zero balance. Again my fault also. I went crazy wild spending that first year and a bit crazy wild spending the second year. He just went crazy wild spending above and beyond what I did, so together we created a shit load of debt. Fine that is being dealt with but he has most of them paid online and I have no password so that is going to be changing and he is okay with that but did throw in I think I have done a good job with our finances. I didn't want him to get mad so I said, me wanting to be involved isn't like saying I don't think he did a good job. I said I want to know what we owe and what he pays and how much debt we have vs wha money we have in the bank and I have a right to know especially as your wife. So that was the end of that conversatioon, I had im on that one. Now how do I actually get involved? I guess I will have to sit down with him at the couch with the laptop and go through each acct. with pen and paper. I want to get one of tose money programs too so he can see with graphs and charts just how ugly our situation is. I think it make s a huge difference when you can see it in a pie chart. Any ways enough venting about our financial crap from me. Any advise appreciated.