Call me a fool

I am still going to marry him. In the past few days I made it clear to him that I don't know how long I can stick it out with out getting my needs met and I have accepted that he is never going to change. For me to leave now would mean giving up school, going back to a job I hate to support myself and son and then having to go through all that dating crap again, that is if I could get a date. I read somewhere that it is really hard for a woman in her 40's to find a man to marry. I hit 40 in a few months. I am doing the comfort thing this time around. Last time I had passion and always argued. Now I have no passion and rarely argue. Granted I felt more in love before but I got hurt and hurt bad before. Atleast I know that Peter won't hurt me or atleast won't diddle daddle with other women. When I had found out he told his coworker all that personal stuff it was the first time in 4 years that he had ever hurt me. I hurt him plenty unfortunately and he is still willing to stick by my side. That has to count for something. I left all my relationships before. Every single one of them. For some reason I just can't with Peter. I haven't even tried and really don't want to even though I complain so much. I like the comfort too much. Financial comfort, the comfort of him and the fact that I don't have to impress him or put make up on if I don't want, the comfort of knowing he wants me for all time sake.

Yesterday he said to me he wanted a juice from this juice shop by our house. It happened to be right next door to the jewelers where I found settings I like. I thought to myself no not there. I didn't want to have to walk in next door knowing I would hve to wait a whole other year. He tricked me though and said oh well there is Pooles Jewelers let's go in there, want to? I said what the heck. The lady that helped me last time was there and told me the cases and all had been moved. So I walked up to the case of engagement rings looked down and was able to spot in 2 seconds flat the ring I wanted. The setting is only $875. It's simple but suits my hand. I showed Peter the ring with both a 3/4 carat and a full carat. Later that eve he said he would probably buy the diamond from his brother and the setting from Pooles. I have a feeling the ring will be this years Christmas present. Looks like I don't have to wait a whole year.

I recently had to fill out a questionaire for my health insurance. I fully expect to get cut off. If that is the case we are going to have to find a more affordable family health plan. Peter pays about $400 or maybe more a month for him and Aiden and it doesn't cover shit. It is a shame tht health insurance has to cost so dang much. It is even more of a shame that his boss doesn't pay for health ins.

It is one week from Aiden's birthday party. We are having it the weekend before his actual bday so that my dad can make it. My dad is leaving soon to go to his boarding school reunion. He went tot he School of the Ozarks, Missouri. Anyways we are most likely going to get Aiden one of those vehicles that he can drive. I had no idea how expensive they were til we went looking this weekend. Holy gracious as Aiden would say. Peter wants to get him the mustang for him. I say get the least expensive one but one he can grow with. Any who I am sure he will be spoiled this year. We are having about 20 or so people over our house. Just family this time around. I have a few games I thought we could play and then we are either going to order pizzas or we are going to get meat and cheese trays to make sandwhich's. I think I am liking the pizza idea more and more. It seems more kid friendly. Peter wanted us to cook but I want to be able to enjoy the party not work the whole time. Everytime we cook for large crowds like that I can't seem to enjoy myself because I am too worried about everything turning out all right and too busy working. Since Peter's family is Japanese they are pretty particular about presentation and how things taste so it is really nerve racking. Harumi (Baba) is the best cook ever and I feel like I have to cook as good as her although that will never happen. She could open her own restaurant she is that good. All the boys fight over her food and who gets the last bit of this or that. Her buffet's are enormous too. She usually makes two vegetable dishes and couple of salads, rice and these things I call rice pillows along with a few different meats. I would be at work for days if I tried to do all that. I say Pizza and cake. I can't wait to see the cake. I bought it from a cake store and it is costing a whopping $52 and is going to match our Halloween decor. The lady hand decorates the cake using a picture to copy. I can't wait to taste it to. Even though it will be hella rich I went ahead and got Aiden's favorite, Chocolate. Any how I have so much to do this week I don't know where to start.