How much I really regret drinking and even while I was too. Peter must have left 25 messages on my phone including ones of Aiden saying "come home mom, come home!" I was pretty much in a black out when I listened to them but after repeatedly hearing my son, I came to my senses and called home.
I can see now where I had not been practicing my program as I should have and it seems to me that if I am not moving forward then there is only backward left. There is no such thing as a pause. In other words if I am not doing everything suggested as a program of recovery then I am on my way to relapse period. I do have a new sponser but haven't called her yet and haven't been to a meeting since I drank, I feel embarrassed and ashamed. I haven't yet got the courage to show my face, and to tell the truth.
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(((HUGS))) It must be something in the air. My best friend called me on Wed and told me that she had relapsed last weekend. She was so angry that she got drunk, drove with her kids in the car, and once she finally made it home she got into a huge fight with her family and she took a bunch of pills. She's okay now, she started going to AA. I'm gonna tell you the same thing that I told her. You know what happened. One is too many and 100 is not enough. You have to get your grip again, and move forward. Don't beat yourself up too much, it's a waste of time. You will get this under control, and you will come out on top. You shouldn't be embarrassed. No one is perfect. NO ONE, not even Peter. You need to go to your meetings, the people there are your support, they understand and are there to help. I'm here if you ever feel like chatting. I'm praying for you.
Thank you so very much. I have gone back to AA this week. I have purposely gone in late so I wouldn't have to raise my hand when they ask is anyone here in their first 30 days. I have told people that I am friends with though which is 4 people. It has been rough not going out and drinking again because the craving is back in full force. I opened Pandora's box. I am afraid of the consequences and so far tht is what is keeping me sober.
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