Business arrangement

I mentioned before that Peter's brother is a custom jewelry designer. I did not want to go thru him because he only deals with the best quality diamonds and it was my opinion and even the opinion of my mother in law that I would end up with a smaller diamond to fit "his requirements" I didn't even want Peter telling his brother about it. What did he do? He called his brother and the fun and the romance have sailed right out of window. It has now become abusiness transaction between me and his brother. Peter told me to call him and tell him what I want. If I wanted something other than a solitaire it would be impossible to describe what I want particularly since the one I am interested in I have never seen a picture of in books, magazines or on the net. The closest to it that I have seen is this.
I guess I am going to see if he can make it and if he says he can then I will take him to the store that had the one that is similar and just have him put bigger diamonds in it. I guess I should be grateful as he will give it to Peter at wholesale prices but he is already saying that he will not show me any diamonds with a color less than an F.

Against Cali's advise

I finally heard from that lady on Thursday. She had left a message on my cell saying she had an emergency with her grandson who had just had surgery and had to go out of town. She said she was stillinterested in breeding the two dogs. Since she was to bring their dog over here I said what the heck and her and her daughter and the female came over. So far all I have is a filthy dog and a filthy patio out of the deal. I had let them stay out last night and they had all the dirt dug out of a low round planter and had the dirt stuck in their wet fur. The female was perched up on one of Aiden's table so Buzz couldn't get to her and all the water was gone. I was pissed. I picked up as much dirt as I could by hand and put it back in the planter and then set the planter on top where she had perched herself. I really don't know if they will mate. Buzz acts like he hasn't a clue as to what to do. He smells her is about it. GROOSSSS and he has tried to lick her butt. Those nasty dogs will not be coming in my house.

Diamonds are a girls (my) best friend.

Peter's salary is about $8k a month. We have a shit load of bills but I still for the life of me could not figure out why he did not want me to go higher than $3000 for an engagement ring. Our savings has dwindled down to nothing thanks to our own spending habits, and the contributions we have made to his son and his girlfriend for $200 here and $200 there and his brother that lost his job too. So yesterday I went to a different jeweler and it was a much larger and family owned oeperation out of Marysville. She came up with a 1.14 carat for $200 more that the .90 that I was really interested in. I couldn't believe my own ears. It was less than $4000 but near to it. I told Peter and explained what a huge freakin deal this was really as chain jewelers want more than that for 3/4 diamonds for equal or lesser of the 4 C's. It is a round brilliant cut which hides any inclusions to the naked eye. It was a lower color but the lady explained that color is determined from the bottom when labeled and doesn't necessarily mean that the top will reflect the same. So She showed me two diamonds with out telling me anything about them I told her which diamond I thought was less yellow. She then told me that they were both labeled the same but the diamond I picked did appear to have less of a yellow hugh. This was coming from a woman who wore her own diamond ring. It was a 3 stone the center stone was 3 carats and the side stones were 1 carats each. I literally wanted to scream out a string of swear words starting with wholy shit but refrained but did let my surprise be known. I told her I had never seen any one wearing a ring of that magnitude except on pictures of movies stars. She let me try it on and I didn't even ask, she offered. I declined but she insisted. I wear a size 4 1/2 so it looked enormous on my finger. The woman was from New York but was as down to earth as can be. She obviously was the owner from the size of the ring which she confirmed on her own later in our conversation which ranged from our own relationships, to step children to, to houses and then on to diamonds. Anyways back to Peter. He explained that he wanted to get me the ring I wanted with the diamond (s) I wanted but if he goes over $4000 on credit it puts his credit score into a negative status and we are trying to refinance our home again. He said he is will to bump up the budget now to no more than $4000 but that leaves us with no emergency credit if something were to happen.

What do I do? I know I should ask about the possibility of returning a diamond for a larger stone with each of the jewelers. I pretty much know already that the one from yesterday would since she clearly and repeatedly stated she wants our business and our returning business and my sons business when I need a class ring for him and when he eventully needs his engagement ring. I didn't think the lady looked like she would be alive by the time he wanted an engagement ring but hey who knows. She has no kids of her own. The actual mount itself would cost about $200 and then there is tax and the mounting fee and tax on that thanks to some political butt head since June of this year and all of that would be above the $4000 and would have to be paid for by cash. Gah what to do. I did find a really pretty ring with a much much smaller center stone and and several other diamonds that cost around $2,580 but I have a feeling after buying the set I would wish that I had bought the carat or close to since the entire time I was married before I wished that I had a carat instead of a 3/4. Hmmm.

I wouldn't care if he had long hair it had style but it looks like he just hasn't had a cur for months! 

The long haired muscle man. 

He is wanting me to catch him and hold him. LOL He looks like a stuffed rabbit with dog paws. 

How can I say no to this face. 

Buzz will not be a "man" anytime soon.

That inconsiderate lady never called back. I was going to call her with Peter's phone and catch her off guard as she had both my home and cell phone to put into her cell phone to "caller id" me. You know if something like the size of Buzz changed her mind does she really think I would get upset if she had called and cancelled? She was the one that called me with her Bitch in heat. Hello!! I have never had anyone upset with me when I have called and changed my mind. I always got "thanks for calling". Then again that was the whole reason I would not let my dog go to her place!! She looked lower class and so did her daughter when I met her!!!

What cartoon character are you?

I am Tweety and here is what it said about me.

You are cute, and everyone loves you. You are a best friend that
no one takes the chance of losing. You never hurt feelings and
seldom have your own feelings hurt. Life is a breeze. You are
witty, and calm most of the time. Just keep clear of back stabbers,
and you are worry-free.

Well I don't know about all that. I do tend to worry, um could be because of my continued, previous, but ain't happenen no more relapses but I have had friends dump me left and right just cause they got tired of talking to me loaded. Well when it comes to men I have been a deal breaker. Um who ever fucking said life was a breeze doesn't live. Witty, no, Dooce is witty. Ah but these days I am calm most of the time, unless you try to cut my sons hair with a pair of non hair cutting scissors because he has refused to get a hair cut for months (Peter).

Take the test

I feel more pissed on than pissed off

I got a call today from a woman I met several months ago. I met her at the park I take Aiden to and she had brought her Shih Tzu that day. This was before we purchased a puppy and it was her dog that made me want to go for the Shih Tzu breed. Her dog was beautiful and lovely and so calm and gentle with my son. She was small like Peter wanted and upon research I found out they are really patient with kids and don't shed. Bingo!! I went searching in the paper shortly after and eventually we got Buzzlightyear. So any ways after I had gotten Buzz I ran into her again but this time at an AA meeting with her daughter. I guess she was supporting her daughter there and ironically her daughter was in First Steps. I met her daughter right before I dropped out of First Steps but I didn't get to know her well. I went up to the woman and reminded her we met at the park and I told her about Buzz. She talked about breeding Buzz to her Shih Tzu. I said well give me your number and I will give you mine. Strangely enough I was thinking about her yesterday and thought maybe I ought to hold off on getting him nuetered. So the call today was to let me know she has a female (the offspring of the female Shih Tzu I saw at the park) in heat and wanted to know if I would be interested in studding my dog. I had to call Peter and call my vet to check if he was old enough. Ideally it would be better if he were older but it is not uncommon to breed this young. It just depends on his matuity and if he knows what to "do" with the female. So I called the woman back and said Ihave the go ahead except Peter does not feel comfortable sending our dog off and if she would be willing to bring her dog over fine. I talked to her other daughter and told her everything I could think of about our home and dog. She said she would bring the dog over at 3:30 and her daughter would follow her over. I ran errands and got back in time for her arrival. She never showed. I tried calling at 4:30 and I got no answer and it said the mail box was full. What the fuck. I thought maybe she changed her mind after I told the mother that Buzz weighs 15lbs. She asked if he is a full breed and I explained that the guy that sold him to me said he was. He had told me that he had both parents and that the father had no papers. So she was going to come over and check him out and bring her other puppy that was an accident but absolutelu adorable according to her. She insisted I see the little guy. He was a mix between Shih Tzu and Chiwawa (sp?) Her male Chiwawa nailed her female Shih Tzu when she was gone so she had no idea that her female was in heat and could not prevent it. She only had one puppy and they are keeping her. Why tell me all this shit and then not show up? It is now 5:42 and still no phone call. If they changed their mind the least they could do is call. If there was an emergency maybe call but I get the feeling they changed their mind and are too chicken shit to call and are avoiding my call. She purposely put my cell phone number in her cell phone. Ahh for caller ID. Did she know she wasn't going to come but failed to tell me she wasn't interested but still set up a time? Grrrr. I feel pissed on truley.

We went to Ojiichan's 81st Birthday party at their house on Sat. Even my Dad and Monti went which was great because both sets of grandparents got to see Aiden this weekend. There were 10 to 15 grandkids there and it was great fun, very loud too. So much food it was crazy. Three lasagna's, tons of chicken and salads, and snack foods. They are so used to doing the buffet thing and arranging the food a certain way that I got kicked out of the kitchen. Any ways great fun.

Since the beginning of the week I have gone to 5 different Jewelry stores. I believe I am going to really go for the big solitaire. There were so many beautiful three stone settings with additional smaller diamonds running down the side and very intricate white gold designs but they were all $5000 and up. I have very expensive taste. She pulled out the $10K's before I told her my budget. Ha I nearly fainted and told her to please not pull out any more really expensive diamonds. I told her I did not want anything in an I clarity and no less than near colorless to bring down the price. So really she pulled out a .93 or .96 I can't remember that was an SI2, HI Color and I could live with that. It was a loose diaomond for $3795. and I wish I could put it in a nicer setting but I am opting for a plain band to again keep the cost down. Then later I will ask to put it in a different setting for sure. We will probably have to wait for a nicer one and just get a simple wrap around wedding band. Any ways, I told my dad what was going on and he seemed thrilled that we would be actually moving forward finally. So Peter asks me today if Pooles (the jeweler selling the .93-.96 diamond) had financing. I didn't know and couldn't find out today because they are closed on Sunday. I also went to Devon's and their diamonds with almost the same clarity and color are much more expensive and they claim that if I bring a piece of paper with the diamond specs. on their business card or similar they will beat the price. So I went home and saw that I already have it written down on their stationary. The only problem is that I wrote all over it too. So I am going to bring it in tomorrow when the manager is in and see if I can talk them down on both a loose diamond and a setting. They call it a "mounting" but you know what I mean. I doubt they will and it would most likely still be more than the estimated $4200 that the Pooles ring will cost. Even if I went there for a loose diamond they could take 20% off if we finance it with our own credit card or cash but I told the dude that their diamonds are too expensive even after the 20% off! It seems every where I look the price of a 1 carat with the same color and clarity I want are all way to expensivie so I think we are getting a deal. Zales sells there 1 carats for $5 and $6k and an I clarity which means you can visibly see the inclusions and most likely it will make even a good color look dark because of it. Okay enough about rings. I have been obsessed lately!! Oh heavens I just looked at the clock and it is 12:30 shit I have a tile guy coming at 8 to replace cracked floor tiles (finally) going to bed. AHHG!

Addict

As it turns out Andrew didn't go to Sutter Psyche, instead he went to Sierra Vista. Peter spoke with him yesterday and last night and Andrews spirits have lifted. Perhaps he gave in. That would be a good thing as that is part of the first step to recovery. He is one of those teens though that is extremely rebellious, extremely self centered and has only just begun his journey of addiction so I only see this drug free period as a pit stop. He is at a new high school and making a place for himself among peers. He has already chosen the wrong croud so with someone that has such low self esteen and such low self worth I do not expect him to return from the hospital and have the courage to find a new group of friends. If he has the craving and is hanging with a group of kids that get high his chances of recovery most likely will not happen until he is out of high school, if he isn't dead or in juvenile hall first. How do I know this? He is walking in my shoes and with a lot more anger than I ever had at that age. I believe deep down he is still effected by the divorce of his parents. Peter dropped out of the kids lives when Andrew was first born. His step dad has been in his life since Andrew was 6 months old. How heart breaking and confusing to learn that your real dad was out there but he was not with his mom.

Ah see why I stay.

5150 update and farting

So Peter came and told Andrew that they needed to take him to the hospital to get checked out. Andrew refused, went out side and perched himself up on the back fense. So his mom eventually called the police and Peter told him you can either do this the hard way or the easy way. Andrew chose the easy way and they rode in his mom's car with Peter in the back seat to make sure he did not jump out of the car.

They got to Kaiser ER and it was packed and over crowded. It took hours to be seen and they were put in a room to wait for the psych dr to come. She did not arrive til after 3:30 or so. After evaluation it was decided Andrew should be admitted to a psyche ward/drug rehab.. They do not have that kind of treatment at the Kaiser hospital so they first had to find him a bed at the hospital and then they were referring him and transporting him to Sutter psyche (lock down facility - same place Peter's sister gets locked up in) Andrew was angry that he was at Kaiser and that they were admitting him to psyche ward but as the day wore into evening he was less angry. Peter did not get home til 7:30 or 8 I can't remember. he got a flat on the way home and had to change the tire.

I am so self centered! First off I told Peter a while back I don't want him and his ex to drive one another. This case it was 100% necessary so I didn't get mad. As they both had to be there for Andrew and spend an entire day together ofcourse they probably talked. I got concerned about that in my head. She tends to babble about her own unhappiness with her home life to Peter and I friggin hate that. Any ways Peter had gas and was farting (no holding back) as they sat in the room. His ex's comment was, "you haven't changed a bit" I told Peter that I felt uncomfortable knowing she said that. He was like it is about farting why would you be uncomfortable and I told him that "you spent 15 years married together and for her to recognize a habit of yours after so much time lapsing makes me uncomfortable" He said jimini crickets which is his way of saying that is stupid. So I said loudly and emotionally "that is my feeling and you are not to tell me my feelings are stupid" He said I didn't say it was stupid so I explained that yes saying jimini crickits does not validate how I feel. So he said he was sorry before I got even more upset. How else am I supposed to feel when his ex told me she still loves him. It is no different than how Peter feels when I have spoken to my ex. He gets all bent out of shape to the point of calling my ex and saying "don't ever call my (my name) ever again or I will break your fucking neck." See I don't get as spazzed, but I know I am self centered when I get jealous like that. I am actually a hypocrite really because of all the times I have spoken to my ex and secretively to boot.

5150 = suicidal

I was about to jump in the shower when Peter called and I asked what's up since his voice was serious. He said that he is about to be at Chris's house which is his ex wife and he said that last night Andrew was very sick. She got out of him that he had taken a bunch of Morphine and vicodin pills. She did not take him to the hospital (stupid if you ask me) She has an asshole husband that doesn't want to spend money on the visits (copay for Kaiser I suppose). Any ways,
this am she calls Peter and they discuss getting him admitted on a 5150. Andrew doesn't know it but he is being driven to the hospital today to be admitted. I told Peter don't even tell him anything or he will run. He may even have troule getting him in the car. I told him I would say a prayer and to call me after his admission unless he needs to before hand. Peter is a little stressed that his asshole boss will be mad. Peter told the office and tried to tell his boss but the dude will not return his calls. Typical. I wish his Boss was like CrazyAunt's husband's boss. She got flowers!!!

Engagement Ring

If size and glamour of an engagement ring was important to you but your budget did not allow for a full carat or more would you settle on this type of ring. There is a side tab that explains what the Moissanite are made of. Would I be nuts to even consider this?

Just when I think it sucks

I realize my life ain't so bad after all. Considering my last post, ofcourse he has a house in San Diego, he met a 23 year old there and she is taking him to Cabo San Lucas in a few weeks. Oh but they are just friends. Yeah where did I hear that line before? Oh yeah when we were married and that was the reason I left him, He had too many fucking friends, female that is. Getting an email from him an me opening it was my bad.

Okay now back to reality. On Monday Peter stayed home sick. I told him that the jewlers up the street had a one day only sale on Thursday we should have gone because they advertised a $5k ring for $1400. Peter told me I should have told him on Thursday and he was serious. So then on Monday he tells me to go down to that jewelers and see if by any chance the sale is on. So I go and it's not but they had an extraordinary selection of designer rings. So I tried some on andtold them me and Peter had been talking about rings. So I gave them his budget of $3000 and what they did was use the $3 k as the middle mark and then I tried on rings that were less than, at $3kand over $3K. I fell in love with a lot of rings but in the end the one that did not actually have a center stone yet was only $895 and had accent stones on the side. They put in different center stones for me to see and then in the end Peter can decide how much he wants to spend on the center stone. I put back the most expensive one which looks a lot like this (isn't it just friggin gorgeous?) but if I remember it is round instead. I think I will go back and select it again. Yesterday Peter came home early from work and we went and picked up Aiden together (never did that before) who was dirty and had a dirty diaper. (no he isn't trained yet - he refuses to use the big potty) Apparently Peter wanted to see his daycare finally. On the way home Peter said too bad Aiden is filthy he was going to take me to that jewelers to look at rings. I told him it is just as well because the store is closed until Thursday because they are going to a diamond show. I couldn't believe my ears! I suggested that we comparison shop because that store may be expensive and I might get a better deal elsewhere. It makes me want to go to the mall and look at rings, rings, rings,. I haven't worn an engagement ring in atleast 6 years maybe more? It is practically all I can think about now. Yes I am materialistic I admit it!! I'm hooked! I was looking at rings on the net last night past 12:00.

On to other things. I got 100% on my test from last week. I was thrilled to death. So this Thursday is the test on all of Chapter one which has sections from 1.1 to 1.9. I have studying and home work to do today. Then all of the homework will be turned in on Thursday as well. I have filled almost an entire single subject notebook with homework.

I know my dad and Peter are proud of me. In fact I got a kitchen counter note like I do almost every morning from Peter that said, "Thank you Regina for all you do. You really have come a long way" and long was underlined. Hell I am proud of me.

Yesterday's AA topic was acceptance but it veered off on the subject of problems other than alcohol which require medicine and how some people consider that as not having sobriety. As usual I got called on and boy did I let out some steam. I told the story of my experience at the recovery center and how after several months of attending I was told I could not take my meds and come as it was addictive. So advised how I tired to not use it for my pain and decided I could not live like that and left the treatment. So I told the meeting that "I continue to take my medication daily that I do not abuse it and if anyone thinks I am not clean then F you you can kiss my sweet ass." I said "I have not had a drink in 11 months and I have not drugged for 8 months." That was that. I had turned red when I spoke as I always do. I had said that I hate sharing but know I need to for my program and others. I said I thought I always sounded like a blubbering idiot. After I had spoken to a male friend (Not that kind! naughty thinker you) and he said that I speak very well, that he feels a God conscience from me and that I glow these days. He always gets like goose bumps or fuzzy's when I speak. That really really made me feel good even though I do not see it. He told me that he gets told the same thing and doesn't see it so he believes it isn't for us to see it is for others only. That was an interesting comment. I gave him a similar compliment because he always seems to say something I need to hear.

I am having one of those moments where the thought that being with my ex husband would have been a much better life than the one I lead now. We traveled to Europe and Mexico and did things every single weekend. I know a lot of that changes after having a kid but even before our child Peter and I didn't even go to the movies hardly let alone anywhere else. That birthday trip to Marine world was the very first place we went to together. My ex made good money too and from what I found out recently he owns a house in EG and San Diego.

Sickness

Peter is very sick. He started throwing up last night around 11:30 pm and continued to throw up off and on til around 5:30 to 6:30 am. He has a headache and muscle aches too. He has been on the floor all night and for the most part puked in the garbage can. I felt so bad he didn't have anything left to throw up so he was dry heaving for a long long time.

Forgot to mention

I sit in the very front row, pay attention and keep quiet unless I get called on. On Tuesday the back row and one gal especially got in trouble with the teacher for not paying attention, doing homework in class and what the teacher referred to is "attitude" that was "disrespectful." Unless it was a facial gesture I never heard anyone being disrespectful. So this am there was quite a stir before the teacher arrived. Particularly from the back row. I heard a few people say they were going to move up to avoid any further problems. Quite a few people were mad at him and the one gal apparently was really upset after class on Tuesday. Once the teacher arrived it simmered down and I made a point to turn around and look at who was in the very last row. The gal that got the brunt of it all, still sat in the very back stern faced. She didn't ask one question today. It makes me wonder if she really had any. The teacher didn't give out to any one today but as people were talking during "his time" he did look up and give one good dirty look. Boy I am so glad I sat in the front row. We get called on more but hey I would rather be a teachers pet than on his shit list.

Quiz

Had another quiz today. I hope I did well and didn't make stupid mistakes like last time. I went over it twice and it all appeared to be correct. That frigging knot in my shoulder is coming back so now I know it is test anxiety.

The gal that sits next to me is a bit competitive. She shows me her notebook and how it is organized and all of her homework making the subtle suggestion that I shoud do the same. I tend to like my folders. They are both spiral bound and I keep one strictly for homework to hand in and one strictly for notes in class. She has everything loose leaf in one folder separated by a tab. When she turns in her homework it will be pulled out and stapled together whereas mine will be the entire folder handed in. Who knows which is better but what ever works for yourself should matter so I am not changing mine. I think for the most part she is trying to be helpful but I get theimpression that she thinks her way is much better. Could I be the one that is competitive? Well it doesn't matter each way is acceptable to the teacher.

Friend

Every now and again I get a call from a gal I met in First Steps. She is on the verge of having her kids adopted out to family if she doesn't stay clean and do everything that Child Protective Services asks her to do. She has court coming up again soon and even her atty was trying to prepare her for possible adoption to her family. As it stands her 4 kids are living with her mom and she is living with her sister. Her mom and dad recently split up but both of them help my friend.

Her husband, a dope addict, finally left her and her kids, lost his job and hasn't even picked up his crap from the apartment that she is being evicted from. She ended up packing up all his crap and his families crap they had. She was too nice if you ask me. He even had the nerve to bring his girlfriend by and wait in the car yesterday. I feel for her. She didn't love her husband and pretty much only needed him to pay the rent but still she has to be hurt and scared. I am not certain what she is going to do. She says since her kids are not in her custody she isn't able to apply for any assistance. I don't have a number where I can call her so I am constantly wondering in between calls. Her phones were shut off some time ago.

She is the only friend that calls me. Sad huh? I just have the hardest time making friends and keeping friends it seems. I have quite a few acquaintances but I don't go out and do things with them nor do I have them over my house or call them so I don't call those people friends per se. Peter made the comment the other day that his brother, Solar didn't have any friends and what was up with that and I said well he has me as a friend and by the way I don't have any friends either. His response was you have me so you don't need any friends. Isn't that typical of a man or maybe it is the type of man that I attract. I am not sure. My dad isn't like that nor was my mom and they both had tons and tons of friends that came over and they actually did stuff with. So my dad really has a hard time understanding why we don't have people over and says tht is what "we need". Maybe he's right. I don't dispute having friends is a really good thing. I wish I had them it's just hard for me to make friends is all. What it boils down to is fear. Fear that if someone really got to know me they probably wouldn't like me.

This is on the way to the college. They say the college is in Marysville but really you drive through Linda to get there and it is ghettoville. Everything here is small, run down and dirty. A typical house is the size of our living room and usually has two families living there. I had a friend that lived here but she fell off the face of the earth after having her baby. I just hope she didn't get back on Meth since her probation case was closed 

This is in the East parking lot of the college. I am going to dread this walk in the rain. 

This is the college. 

This is the look I get when he is being "calm submissive" as the dog whisperer would say. He is about to lay on his side or back when he does this to show that I am the "top dog" I had just told him to stay. 

Here is the little terror. He weighs a whopping 15 lbs and is a much bogger dog than we wanted. Must have been a God thing cause Aiden would have killed a smaller dog by now. Buzz takes Aiden's roughness quite well. They love each other so it was no mistake. 

This is probably not a good idea but he loves games!! 

Oh and I got 11 out of 15 right on my quiz. I got problems wrong by not reading the full instructions. Oh that pissed me off. It could have been that I was also distracted by the neck/shoulder pain I had that day. It was the same day I left school and went straight to my pain mngmt dr so he could do something and he injected both shoulders and my neck to try and break up the spasms. I have been mad at myself for such stupid mistakes. I guess it is a c and a c is passing so I shouldn't be too upset I just expected more from myself considering they were easy problems. I thought I would have gotten an A. Thhhhhhwwwp!

Boss from hell.

Last night Peter came home and said his boss is constantly botching every time they talk. He got a call such as that a few minutes after he got home. The next thing I know is that Peter is screaming at his boss and is having to not only defend himself but explain to his boss that he is not doing side jobs behind his bosses back. WTF? They got off the phone sort of left hanging. At that point Peter was ready to tell him to go Fug off. Then he was concerned so he called back and said "where do we go from here, I am confused as to where I stand." So his boss left him hanging again by asking him to come up to the office tomorrow and they could discuss it. As it turns out they had a two hour lunch together hammering a bunch of shit out and Peter is glad that he cooled off before speaking to his boss again. Guess he still has a job but I project that it will not be too long before the next round of Boss bullshit happens. In fact I expect to see it on the next paycheck next Wednesday. I told Peter what ever his decision I will support him. I personally would not have put up with that kind of boss for so long....money motivates Peter more than me though. Then again I have never made a six figure salary either so I might put up with it like he does.

In a way I feel regretful that we racked up so much debt instead of banking the money so that if something did happen we would have something to fall back on. We wouldn't last 2 months as it is. Our saving has taken a dive and the loans we have given his brother haven't helped either. I have to admit I have a bit of a compulsive shopping problem myself. Doesn't matter if it is the grocery store or department store I can go overboard. Retail therapy I suppose. Sometimes I shop for something to do to get out of the house. To me it is no fun window shopping. I don't want to go unless I can spend. I didn't used to be that way but since being spoiled by Peter I have been. When it was my own money earned I budgeted much differently. If I was an active participant on the main account I think it would be different because I would know ho much I can or can not spend. As it is I spend on a separate account and at the end of the day Peter puts money in that account so we don't get overdrawn. So in one day I can spend like $300 and not even know if it is in our budget. (did that yesterday) Does that make sense?

This weekend was spent celebrating my dad's 69th birthday and hanging out on Sunday. The only thing I did really was go to Sams club. I was a football widow. That is perfectly fine by me because I can do my thing on those days. Aiden was a brat yesterday though. He was not listening to us at all and got a huge swat from Peter right in the middle of the store. Later in the eve we all went for a family walk. I love those times. I feel like we are just an average all american family. Something that I think a lot of people take for granted.

I have always felt different and let's face it to be an alcoholic-addict is a bit didfferent. So to be clean and sober living in a beautiful home with family leading the life of a stay at home mom and student is a gift from God. I do not take it for granted. Atleast I don't think I do. We spent some time telling each other just how lucky we are to have each other. I think I came out the more spoiled one but hey aren't women supposed to be taken care of. We lead the traditional rolls of family in our home and that was the way both of us were raised so it suits us well. I can remember my husband from my first marriage wanted it that way and I was too young so I told him to take a hike. I had refused to do his laundry. Now days I feel like I am not doing my job if Peter has to throw in a load of laundry himself. I wonder if I will want to be so traditional once I start full time school or full time work??? I did it all before during my long engagement and second marriage but I didn't have a child then.

I hit the grocery store today and as we passed each customer Aiden said hello and if they asked him "How are you?" he would reply "I'm Aiden, what' u doing?" He would announce to every passerby that he was grocery shopping as he proudly pushed his mini size grocery cart through the store. I don't think a few people were amuzed when he would twirl the basket around and block the aisle. Most of the older people would actually stop and have a conversation with him. I have to assume that he got that outgoing personality from my dad. My dad will talk to anybody and everybody he comes across. Aiden is the same way and I just let him, keeping quite for the most part myself. I get a kick out of it really to see how sociable and friendly he is. He is the total opposite of me. I keep to myself for the most part and am to embarrassed to just shoot the breeze with people I don't know.

9/11

On the 5th anniversary of our nations terrorist attack I hope people pause and say a prayer for those who died and the families who were left behind do deal with the loss of their loved ones. I don't think our nation will ever be the same. We feel vulnerable now and some how even more united and determined. Sadness. I can't believe 5 years have come and gone.

I got 14 out of 15 correct on my quiz. Now the class is getting a bit harder. I started my homework Tues night and got stuck on a problem. I tried it twice, coming up twice with the incorrect answer so I set it aside for Wed.afternoon. Often times when I set something aside or put it on the back burner I can come back to it later and can figure it out. Even the teacher made this suggestion but I learned that from one of the many rehabs I went to.

I got my hair cut Tues. It is so darned hard to find a good stylist. I did find one since moving but I got a call saying she is dropping all new customers. I was offended by that. I don't believe she had too many customers and think she just didn't want to cut my hair. But who the hell knows.

Any how I took another quiz today and I can't wait to find out what I got again. Waiting so long is agony. I like school though and I am looking forward to going again in the fall. I am probably going to take the class my school mate recommended and definately another math. Unfortunately my current teacher doesn't teach the class I have to take.

I wish I could post some other stuff but I am afraid of posting real personal things for fear that Peter will once again locate my blog and read it. That is so unfair that he does that. I am sure I have given him reason to be suspicious of me in the past but still this is my journal and is private to him. He still thinks because I put it out there for the world that he should be included. Yeah what if I called one of his family members a nose picking, ungrateful goon. He wouldn't be so happy about that and really is non of his business. By the way I don't think that about any of his family members.

Back to the grind

We are just getting ready for school this am. I can't wait to find out what I got on my quiz. I am hoping he lets us know today.

It wasn't the greatest weekend considering it was that time of the month and I was fatigued too. It wasn't bad though. Everyone liked the bbq and I got to met yet another Japanese friend of the family that Peter had not seen since his mother died in 85. She has now invitied us to her home in San Fransisco in September. I say let's go for it. Even though I can hardly understand her english. Harumi was not kidding when she said her english was poor. she was also very traditional and asked who was the head of our household because he/she should sit at the end seat. I explained that Peter was the head but that it really didn't matter to us who sat at the ends. As it turned out my dad and Peter's dad sat at the ends and I sat next to Peter and Kobe.

Off to school we go, it is getting late.

Chantix

I have started taking Chantix to get off the nicotine gum. The worst side effect so far is that it causes insomnia and I mean bad. I can't go to sleep and when I do I wake up frequently and can't go back to sleep. I am so friggin tired and irritable in the am it isn't even funny. 1am here now and wide awake.

misc

I got a message this am from uncle solar saying that Seiji wants to see Aiden so he wanted to see about coming up today or tomorrow. I talked it over with Peter and he said he wanted to drive into Sac on Sat to see his kids and parents so I called Jeff back and suggested Sunday. He said that would work so we are having a bbq. I then called my dad and his gf and invited them. they are going to bring her grandson too. Peter doesn't know about all this but I am sure he won't mind. After all he has Monday off. He can get yard work done in the am and then kick back in the after noon except to show me how to make that teriyaki sauce. I still haven't learned. We ran into a snag because I can't find a recipe for canning it. As far as I can tell it will need to be pressure canned but I don't know how long so we are sort of stuck. I have looked all over the internet and can't find anything that talks about preserving Teriyaki sauce.

School is still easy. I took a quiz yesterday and am pretty certain I got an A. I think I got one problem wrong but I will see if the teacher let's it slide. It was the espanded notation and I couldn't remember if you say 6 thousands or 6 one thousands. So I wronte 6 one thousands and then when I checked later in the book it said 6 thousands so I don't know if he will let it slide or if it has to be precise.

I bought cousin Seiji some bday gifts since he turned 3 last week. I didn't want to spend too much because I wrote yet another check for $200 to uncle Solar so his electricity doesn't get turned off. We have lent him over $1000 now and don't expect it back. He should get out from under that house or get room mates. He is really in debt in a bad way and can't file for bankruptcy. I guess he borrowed 35k from Baba to get the house and I don't even know how he is going to repay her. Crazy!

I was supposed to have a dental appt today but I didn't confirm with dad in time so i cancelled. I am also chicken. It is the first time in about 15 years. I am embarrassed to even admit that. I had so much painful dental work done when I was a kid that I have a horrible fear of the dentist. I have broken and chipped teeth. 3 wisdom teeth that need to be pulled because the grew in sideways and it is too hard to keep clean. I have had a few infections because of them too. I have one cap, 4 bridges, I had to have my jaw reset with a bionator, I had to have teeth pushed forward and some teeth pushed back because I was born without 4 wisdom teeth and they had to bridge them. My bionater was like the 3 rd one from the left and the 3rd one from the rt. All of that was very painful so I just friggin dread the dentist. The bionator really wasn't painful but I had to wear it 24/7 except to eat for a long long time.