Every now and again I get a call from a gal I met in First Steps. She is on the verge of having her kids adopted out to family if she doesn't stay clean and do everything that Child Protective Services asks her to do. She has court coming up again soon and even her atty was trying to prepare her for possible adoption to her family. As it stands her 4 kids are living with her mom and she is living with her sister. Her mom and dad recently split up but both of them help my friend.
Her husband, a dope addict, finally left her and her kids, lost his job and hasn't even picked up his crap from the apartment that she is being evicted from. She ended up packing up all his crap and his families crap they had. She was too nice if you ask me. He even had the nerve to bring his girlfriend by and wait in the car yesterday. I feel for her. She didn't love her husband and pretty much only needed him to pay the rent but still she has to be hurt and scared. I am not certain what she is going to do. She says since her kids are not in her custody she isn't able to apply for any assistance. I don't have a number where I can call her so I am constantly wondering in between calls. Her phones were shut off some time ago.
She is the only friend that calls me. Sad huh? I just have the hardest time making friends and keeping friends it seems. I have quite a few acquaintances but I don't go out and do things with them nor do I have them over my house or call them so I don't call those people friends per se. Peter made the comment the other day that his brother, Solar didn't have any friends and what was up with that and I said well he has me as a friend and by the way I don't have any friends either. His response was you have me so you don't need any friends. Isn't that typical of a man or maybe it is the type of man that I attract. I am not sure. My dad isn't like that nor was my mom and they both had tons and tons of friends that came over and they actually did stuff with. So my dad really has a hard time understanding why we don't have people over and says tht is what "we need". Maybe he's right. I don't dispute having friends is a really good thing. I wish I had them it's just hard for me to make friends is all. What it boils down to is fear. Fear that if someone really got to know me they probably wouldn't like me.
1 comment:
I know that isn't the case. It seems that you let your true colors show here, and there isn't anything horrible that would turn people away. But I do understand the fear of being rejected. I have a few friends, but we don't go out together. We mostly talk on the phone. We all have kids of varying ages, and a couple live out of state, phone contact is about all we can do. I do wish that I had a girlfriend that I could do things with once in awhile, but I'm the same as you, I have a hard time meeting / making friends.
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