Saddam the frigging pig hanged

Saddam is getting hanged tonight or tomorrow AM. He deserves to be tortured first but atleast he is getting hanged. I suppose that isn't one of the most pleasant ways to die.

Book review

Oh I forgot to mention that I read Stephen Kings new book Lisey's Story and it was excellent. Not quite as good as Cell but nevertheless it made me want to pick it up and read it all the time. I am now on Bag of Bones which came out during my drug addiction period most likely so I wasn't reading then.

Live wire

When I bought Peter the espresso maker, I didn't think about whether I would be making them for myself during the day but I have, every day. I make myself Latte's and cappuccino's. Then I make after dinner espresso's and cappaccino's for the two of us. I think Peter is enjoying his gift even though he isn't the one operating it. When I was awake at 5 am yesterday I offered to make him one before work but he had already had 3 cups of coffee and passed. Thank heavens for the muscle relaxer or we would never get to sleep at night. I can feel myself vibrating now oh wait that was my foot on the hard drive, never mind.

I thought having two computers in the same room was a total waste but when Jared and Andrew are over they are both glued to them and now with Aiden's new games I can sit here and do my thing while he plays his games.

Drama, jared, step kids

Andrew and the GF are coming tomorrow. Peter put me on the friggin spot this week and asked me if Heather can come spend the night with Andrew while he still had Andrew on the phone. Yes I know he did that on purpose and I said I suppose. It is just much easier than fighting it. I don't want a great big huge fight like last time. I will give him the chance to hang himself. He will at some point or another, I know, because he is a teen boy with raging hormones and she, a teen with raging hormones. Peter doesn't give a shit as long his boy spends time with him.

Jared has been calling Peter every day practically and has been talking to him about everything. Peter is thrilled obviously and he got a call this am thanking Peter for his love and support. Ahh now that I would say makes up for the lack of a Christmas gift any day. Peter asked me to call him and check in but his kids don't like me so I always feel an awkward silence on the other end when I call and talk. I end up doing all the talking and they sort of grunt on the other end. It is a discomfort I would rather not put myself in. Plus it is pretty obvious I don't like his ex girlfriend and Jared knows it. I sent him that email about her having the camera still and hiding it. He obviously sent it to her or told her about it for me to get that nasty email from her. He is still trying to win her heart back and Peter is trying ever so hard to get Jared's focus off of the "girl" as he so affectionately refers to her. Jared lost a friend, the one that lives with the dude that fucked his ex and lives next door to her, but was no friend any way. This friend got Jared the job he is working at and then when he (the not friend) was supposed to show up for work didn't, leaving jared to cover the dudes shift. He got tired of that and told the boss. Now the ex friend got fired and blames Jared for it. Immature little twat. Jared's ex called him yesterday saying he is talking shit about Jared and she would know since she is still seeing the dude that she fucked. Poor Jared is being strung along by that bitch and he doesn't even know it. I guess this neighbor guy has no job and nothing going for him so she is telling Jared that is why she won't date him but I don't hear about it stopping her from going over there and doing the flirty flirt thing. Just Christmas day the dude that got fired was saying that Christina and the loser guy were hanging out together. it is like watching a soap opera and makes me so grateful I am an adult and out of that teen crap that goes on. Wheww don't miss those days.

Great Christmas

We all had a great Christmas. Aiden especially. Both of the older boys were with us all the way through Christmas morning. My only disappointment was for Peter, that Jared didn't even get him one gift after Peter gave him $100 to spend on gifts for people and Andrew who also got $100 to spend on people gave his dad a $20 sears card. WTF Jared however did buy a gift for the skank with the money...grrr. These kids are thoughtless and self centered. As far as I know Andrew and his gf are coming back up over the weekend. yippee. Well atleast Andrew isn't as bad now that he is clean and sober. He doesn't pull a bunch of bullshit and hangs around the house playing on myspace. Shit all of them put their blogs on private so I can't tell what is going on now. I think they did it because they figured out I was looking at them and alos because Jared is now ex friends with some of the guys that have screwed him over so he deleted his and started up a new one but put it on private too. I coul tell how they were doing by looking at those things. Any ways.....

Poor Aiden caught a cold from his cousin most likely who came over here so uncle solar could use me as a babysitter. Seiji had booger nose the entire time he was here. He did on Christmas as well so I am not certain when he contracted the virus but had it full blown the day after Christmas. He is laying on the couch as I type. He has so many toys this year he doesn't know which ones to play with. His favorite was the Thomas the Train Legos. I even have fun with that one. We bought a smaller Thomas set for him that I think I will take over to his grandparents house. Not sure yet. After Christmas was over I was lying in bed putting Aiden down to sleep and he says, "Mama, how does Santa come down the chimney? What do you think Santa is doing now?" Isn't that precious. I told him Magic and that Santa is most likely seeping because he is so tired from delivering all those presents around the world.

I hope Cali and Renee and Crazy aunt all had a great Christmas. I didn't send cards out this year Renee so yours didn't get lost in the mail. That was the reason for the brief email. I did get yours though and your family is just precious as usual.

Check in

What a day. Babysat Seiji so Uncle Solar could Christmas shop. Quin was here too and helped out. The boys fought a lot as usual but still had a good time. Didn't see Peter much today as he worked in Hayward and then went shopping too.

He is on his way to pick up his oldest son and both Jared and Andrew will be spending al the way through Christmas morning/afternoon with us. Andrew has been clean and sober around 30 days or so and Jared and the butt munch are still broke up. He is doing really well at his new job, selling phones and is getting his own store soon.

Cookie dough up the wazzooo

I wanted to make Christmas cookies. So I pulled out a cookie cookbook and selected Finnish Christams cookies. I followed the directions to a T and the damned dough would not stick together. I had to try to slide a knife underneath to lift them onto the pan and even that barely worked. It was supposed to make about 72 cookies. I backed one batch of mishaped mess that is still falling apart afer cooked. Fucker..it was supposed to be full proof tested. I feel like writing to the publisher and telling them they could take the rest of my cookie dough and shove up their asses, but it would fall apart before it got there.

It is driving me crazy not knowing my grade. I am almost tempted to call my teacher and the only thing holding me back is I don't want to bug him since he is most likely working on every one's grades not just mine. I am sure he would like his holiday like everyone else. In a way I wish I could take three classes next semester. Now that I know I can do it I want to go gung ho. Peter doesn't want me to though because Aiden is our number one priority so until he goes to kindergarten I will still be a part time student. I am hopeful to get a check to pay for books soon. I guess they don't get issued til the first week of school though.

We are still not finished Christmas shopping and I guess we will do it tonight. He said the stores stay open til midnight. Every year we say we won't leave stuff for the last minute but we do. It is because we hold out for his bonus. I think we will end up spending more than what his bonus is. I keep telling him not to get me anything because I have already got my present, perfume, make up, a ring, pj's and a down alternative comforter. Jokingly I told him to get me a dooney and burke purse and he actually looked on the internet last night for it. I told him really not to because I just got a new purse recently.

I was going to take Aiden in to his school today for a Christmas party but he was still awake last night at midnight wanting to finally eat his dinner. He didn't get up til 9:30 this am and so I decided I wouldn't tkae him. He enjoys being at home playing his Puter games any way. I thought about baking Toll house cookies and still haven't decided if I want to be lazy today or not. It is really nice outside so I will most likely Let Aiden drive his tractor on the street today. I get my exercise that way since I have to jog to keep up.

I feel like all I do any more on this blog is ramble on about nothingness. My sponser told me to journal every day so I am doing it here instead of in writing where nosey butt can get his hands on it.

Not so lazy day

I was a cleaning freak today. I finally fizzled out around 4:00 and took a shower. Aiden took a late nap and Peter is coming home late. I could have taken him up on the offer to go to dinner tonight as a reward for my A's on my last two tests (not the final)but he is getting home way too late. I am just making curry for him and kung pao chicken for me. Both are alteady premade so it is just a matter of stir fry and heating up the curry packet. The only thing I am really making is the rice.

I didn't get finished with vacuuming the blinds. My vacuum has an attachment with a horse hair brush and it works wonders on the blinds. I have been doing it the hard way by hand since we moved in here and was reminded of it when we recently had a visit from the Kirby salesman. Mine is old old old but still runs so I can not justify spending $1800 on a new one. I am going to get it tuned up one of these days though because I know it doesn't quite do the job it used to. I did get all the floors cleaned today though and mopped all the tiles. I even scrubbed my shower down and I usually skip it. It was getting nasty though. That is a job that I like the least so I often neglect it.

Lazy day

My meeting with my sponser is cancelled today. I think I will take the time today to be lazy or at the very minimum clean house. I have a really bad head ache right now. Grr. Aiden is entertaining himself on his video game so I don't have to worry about him right now. I am not even going to take a shower until this afternoon. I finished up most of the Christmas wrapping last night. There must have been atleast 20 packages that I wrapped. Whew!!

Semester ended

My Christmas vacation officially starts today. I finished up my final and on the drive home I almost started crying. Not because I am sad but because I am proud of myself for completing the semester and doing well. I am not certain how I did on the test but I know I passed.

Now off to errands, nails, groceries, pick up Aiden, dinner, wrapping, etc., etc. I am not done shopping yet but I can do that after I meet with my sponser tomorrow and on Thursday while Aiden is at school.

bad bonus

Today is study day for my final tomorrow. It is a 2 hour long test. Whew. I believe I am getting an A in the class so I don't know why I am so worried. The high grade of the last test was 95 (my score) and the median was 73. Just like last time. I never could have dreamed getting such good grades.

Peter got his Christmas bonus on Friday. He also got yelled at by his boss for not being a team player, yada yada yada. Never mind the fact that Peter brings in millions for the company. Any way his bonuses are usually really good and around $9 or $10,000. This year it was a slap in his face and the lowest in the 4 years he has been there. $1200. He is now looking for a new employer. His boss just pushed too far this time around. His boss swears at him like there is no tomorrow and Peter just doesn't deserve it. He works damn hard for that company, often working late even from home. I am not just saying all that because he is my man, he is really good at what he does. I called him today and told him I hope he has a better day today than Friday and that his family loves him very much and hopefully it makes it all worth the while.

I got a note this am saying that he is glad that we are sleeping together again finally and that it makes him feel closer to me. I have been sleeping with Aiden for 3 years. I know I know that is way too long. I didn't figure it mattered much since we never have sex before bed and Peter snores but it does. We have been cuddling and I don't sleep very good that way but I don't care. Atleast we are touching each other. The other night I had to scoot way way away from Peter just so I could get some sleep. Every time I moved over Peter would too, to touch me. I was just shy from falling off the bed. :)

Well back to studying.

Ojiichan, Jared's heartbroke again

I had forgotten to mention that Ojiichan was back in the hospital due to blood in his urine. Today was his 4th day. They are going up thru the urethra with a camera to see what the problem is. He may need surgery. We went and saw him and took Jared and auntie Maria with us today. Auntie is now living at MAD house now and will have 60 days clean this month and Andrew will have 30 days. Amiracle I tell you.

While we were at the hospital Jared talked to his buddy that lives with the dude that Christina slept with. You know the dude in the next apartment over. Any ways his buddy told Jared that Christina, who broke up with Jared because she had a lot going on at work and school and also because of Jared's irresponsibility, was with that same dude last night and wants to get togehter with him now. What did I say? Yes I said the bitch would just turn around and hurt Jared again. So need less to say Jared was near tears and very angry so I am not certain when he did it but apparently he talked to her and told her to fuck off, never call him or his family ever again. The poor guy will most likely call her tomorrow tell her he didn't mean it and ask if they can get back together. Peter told his son atleast he knows what is really going on and to move on. We tried to warn him of that when he spent the night last at our house, in a nice way ofcourse that she was probably going to be banging the neighbor again. I feel so terrible for him because he is so heart broken. Love is so blind and for reason I suppose. Other wise everyone would get a divorce.

Even as fucked up as my relationship is, I am kinda proud that we lasted longer than, Jennifer and Brad, Jennifer and Vince and most likely will beyond Brad and Angelina and Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes no matter how much better their sex life is than mine. We will have to wait and see.

Spooning

Last night I tried sleeping on our bed. I have been doing this for quite some time and have to leave if I can't get him to stop snoring. That is the reason I asked for a spare bed so I wouldn't have to sleep with Aiden or on the couch. Any ways last night wasn't so bad and I took a chance at spooning. Well it was reciprocated all night long and he even turned his alarm off and reset it for later, then crawled back in bed. I hae a feeling it was more due to lack of sleep. Neithe of us are used to touching some one so close and having to wake your partner up to switch positions. Any ways I thanked him for it this morning because it was nice for a change.

I also saw my sponser today at a meeting so I will be calling her tomorrow and getting back on track with my program. She had breast cancer and just got done with reconstructive surgery. They took a muscle out of her back and put it on her breast. i didn't get to ask questions but it will be interesting what she says. My momther never had reconstruction. She had afalsy she put in her bra if at all. She was a double D and the fake one weighed too much.

Any ways enough of all that.

kisses

I caved and started kissing him again. The kisses were probably some of the better ones I have ever received but i truly havent been able to enjoy them or let them progress because I have been so bitter still. He left his meditation book open to a page which talked about bitterness so I left him a note and told him did he refer to his own self or just me. He won't answer me but I don't care.

My throat is really sore this afternoon and I just hope I am not getting sick. We don't have class tomorrow but I wanted to get more Christmas shopping done with Aiden at daycare. Peter is due to get his bonus some time this week and we both are very curious as to what it will be. If it is less than $10k he will be in a pissy mood. If it is only $2k I will be mad at his boss as usual. Peter works too hard and deserves a big bonus. It isn't about the money so much as it the principal and how rich he is making his boss.

apology

Apparently I was wrong about Peter reading my blog. I thought it was because someone with the same, internet service provider coming out of the same location looks at my blog and the way this person finds my blog is to type in key words from one the headings of my entries. As i looked closer it is someone out of Sac State

Any ways we are not doing much better. We had another big fight last night about same old same old. I told him that i did not know the reason he doesn't desire sex with me is because of all my relapses. i also told him that all this may be too late because i am no longer sexually attracted to him. i explained that i am still interested in sex just not with him because i have been hurt and rejected for so long. he got all pissed off about that which makes no sense to me because if a person gets to the point that they don't want to make love to their partner why the hell stay together? He also claimed that I never apologized to him before which i have and i remember we were in the car going over the highway 20 bridge and i listed all the things i had done wrong and that i was deeply sorry and that as i get to my 9th step it will be a more complete amends. So last night again i apologized for everything and told him the sad things is that in a year or less he will turn around and say i never said sorry to him. That is the way he is. Selective hearing all the time and another reason that i get so freakin pissed off at him. he only hears what he wants to hear.

I am getting an A still in my class. I had made up my test yesterday and got 95% and the quiz before that 100%. finals next week and then we are done. i am not going to go out and look for a job just yet. i am dong to good in school to give it all up just yet.

i can tell who views my blog

and i know from ip address and isp verizon that Peter has been reading my blog since about Friday.

hamster wheel

Apparently I was wrong about Peter not telling his family we got engaged. He said he told his kids and parents. I told him that i never heard him say anything to his family at all so I thought he didn't tell.

We got in the car alone on Sat and talked about why i have been so angry and depressed. I asked him if he could get honest and tell me why he doesn't want to have sex with me. He said it isn't so much that he doesn't want sex but that I have screwed him over so many times. Not only a few days ago he got all mad at me for carrying around a resentment against Christina. He said he didn't hold on to resentments. liar the whole reason we don't have sex is because he holds on to resentments. Until he learns to rid of the resentments our sex life will not get any better. i told him we are on our last leg and that I have no faith whatsoever that things will change between us. he can sit there and try to force himself to have sex with me but it will feel forced it will be unpassionate, mechanical and over in a matter of a few minutes. the truth of the matter also is that he is constantly resentful because he doesn't trust me. it is in no way my fault that i keep geting prank voice mails and text messages and he keeps blaming me, keeps thinking i am cheating on him by talking to other guys or whatever else. so he has all these unjustified resentments which is totally unfair to me. i told him i don't want to be with a man that doesn't trust me. a lot apparently has to do with my relapses as well. he said the other day in a fit of anger when i asked him why he won;t make love to me that maybe it was because i can't stay clean. i told him bullshit there is always an excuse. first it was my smoking, so i quit no change, then it was the nicotine gum so i quit that, no change. Previously it was lack of sobriety, i had over a year and during that year we did not have sex 1 time, no change. Then is was calling my ex and I haven't talked to him on the phone for over a year now. I didn't want to kiss him recently. why should he have his needs met when i don't he said not kissing would ruin our relationship and i replied what do you think not having sex has done? i told him we could stay together for now for aiden's sake. i also said i am going back to work because i need to protect myself. i have to have an income because i don't see our relationship getting better. i am not going to move out with out a job. to be honest i am too depressed to even look for a job. i haven't cooked for over a week. i didn't go with him yesterday because i wanted to go back to bed instead of study. i also told him i don't want the fucking cell phone anymore because it has caused more problems in our relationship than what it's worth having. my dads girlfriend new something was wrong when i didn't call my dad back right away and so i told her what was going on. atleast i have her to talk to. she certainly has been there for me in the last few years and i don't know how to show her how much i appreciate it.

I missed a test yesterday and was going to have to call my teacher today to resched. I don't have to, he called me. Wow. Thank God our grades aren't determined by attendance. I was going to go yesterday but didn't want to take a test after not having studied. It would be nice of I got an A in the class to boost my self esteem.

sexless marriage

I thought I had come to terms with the fact that peter and I have no sex life. as I have gotten mad at him this week everything I have ever been disappointed about has come to surface. I keep thinking what is the fucking point, why get married, why be together. I really don't know how much more I can take. I had hoped I could just get past this for Aiden's sake. It isn't like I don't love him because in a weird way I do. He is a pretty good friend. Not a great friend. He would have to want to take pictures of me to be a great friend. I have to ask him to take pictures of me and Aiden together so that when Aiden grows up he knows I really was the one who raised him.

When he bought me that ring, he didn't tell one family member of his we got engaged. Not one. I told most of all of them myself and the first time I had told his sister on the phone he said "Oh God" and not in a nice way so I had let him know that he really hurt my feelings. I think personally he only wants to do his son right and that is the only reason we are together. For me to say anything bad about that would be hypocritical but I atleast at some point used to be attracted to him. That ceases to exist anymore. How can I be attracted to a man that doesn't want me? I used to and it left me bitter. It has been easier, I have to admit, since I haven't felt that attraction. It was so much worse when I had the hots for him, he would get me all worked up only to be let down again and again.

If I didn't have this blog I don't know what I would do. I don't even talk to anyone about all this anymore. At one point i used to talk to uncle solar but he has en,ough of his own problems.

So for this whole week I have been depressed. I only speak to peter really when i have to. it's affects are wearing off on aiden apparently. he refuses to give peter a kiss good night. so i have to treat peter differently and i don't want to. he doesn't deserve my respect.

the sad part is that if i really did call the whole thing off he would try to kick me out that very day with nothing, no car, no furniture, etc even though when we moved in together he had nothing. i had an entire house full of furniture which has been replaced by new. i know this because i have come close manymany times.

another friend dead

She locked herself in a hotel room, took some pills and started drinking. She choked on her own vomit. she has a daughter about a year older than Aiden.

Where is the Christ in Christmas

You see all these santa's,snowmen, trains and reindeer for sale to decorate your yard and even penguin's for crying out loud but not one cross. I wanted something different for our lasn since everyone else already has one of everything already. Sad that crosses aren't sold.

12:45

I am still so mad that I am mulling shit over at this hour. It dawned on me that I had sent the bitch a really nice email after her and j broke up saying i had hoped they stayed together and that i am here if she needed to talk and she didn't even respond and when i drove him over to her place to drop off money owed for rent she didn't een come out and say hi but if either had been done by peter her nose hairs would be tickling his crotch again. she is still doing the ignoring thing with me but when i sent an email not even intended for her she sent a really nasty note back to me. she started calling peter already and it hasn't even been a full day well she started yesterday even. j did this, his car is running like this, yada yada yada. i keep only myspace acct only for pics and on it i wrote brown noser keep yer nose outa my man's ass. immature i know but i hope she reads it. oh i expect the phone calls to double then but atleast she knows i think she is a brown noser. i do not want to see her at christmas and i also found out she emailed him while they were on their break up and sent pictures. like he really cares about a thanksgiving pic of her and her family. well i sure don't. the girl loves herself too much as it is. she has more pics of herself and herself alone on her myspace. it is set to private now and has been since the break up but is saw that jared added her as a friend yesterday. pretty sad i don't even have one friend i could even add any ways.

read no more if you don't like swearing

About a month ago I got this text message from some guy wo paid a compliment or something like that and I text back do i know you and he typed a secret admirer or some dumb shit and long story short I figured out that it wasn't anyone I knew and was a mistake. i never deleted it and so at what ever time it was peter wakes me up being loud and then just stands there looking at me and so i am pissed that he woke me up and i say can i go back to sleep and he's all yeah so i said well what the hell is wrong with you and he is still standing there and finally asks if I am texting some guy and I said is this about a text i got a long time ago and he says yes you bring these things on yourself. same thing he said last time when i got that strange guy leaving a recording on my cell phone which i had nothing to do with. so straight away he is accusing me of being responsible for this shit. i am pissed. i never stopped yelling at him. i am mother fucking sick and tired of him always thinking the worst. this bitch that i so fondly refer to at one point lived in our home. her and i got into it because i told her not to put up a note on MY refrigerator. She has the nerve when it is is just her and i in the room for the entire next week to ignore me when i try to ask her questions or talk to her. but when peter is in the room she will answer my questions and act all sweet as pie. i tell him at the time and at first he doesn't believe me then says well she had a right because i had relapsed and all. fuck that bull shit. any ways he sides with her to this fucking day and makes me out to be the bad guy. i recently was told you have a lot of nerve talking about morals then compares me to his ex wife and how she is the most moral person he knows. i sent him a nasty email after he left saying i am sick and tired of being treated like i am the bad guy all the time. i said pity you don't think more highly of me when you want me to be your wife. i also bitched again last night about our non existant sex life and how one day he would wake up and it would be too fucking late. i then told him this am that if he had sex with me regularly he wouldn't even wonder if i was faithful or not. i am still so pissed off. i changed his email password to do a check on his email since he was snooping on me. turns out that the bitch has had his butt hairs between his teeth the whole time her and jared have been broke up. sending pics and saying i hope you and (my name) are doing good. i wrote to her from his email and gave her the correct spelling of my name. she says and i kid you not that she can't wait to be done with home school so she can go off to "colage" OMG you can take the girl out of the ghetto but you can't take the ghetto out of the girl. I wouldn't have even talked to him on the phone except that he left a message on my voice mail saying he had left the hospital so I didn't know if he had good or bad news and figured i bettr not be that cold hearted. he asked of I was going to mad all day. i said i didn't know and his comment was you know what happens when you stay mad too long.. you relapse and there isn't another chance so i hung up on him. he can make his own fucking dinner tonight or see if the bitch can email him one.

I am screwed

Peter told me last night that Jared and the bitch are getting back together. I have been bitchy since. He is going to get daily suck up calls from here again. In fact it already started this week when she called about Peter's dad.

How do I hate the bitch, let me count the ways

Yes jared's ex the subject aand cause of yet another speak when only spoken to (me) evening. He wonders why I hate the bitch. Well let's see he is still defending her and I attribute that unsavory dish to the fact that she has had her nose so far up his ass he has been tickled with her nose hair and likes it all too much.

Ojiichan prayers

Peter's dad went in for an angio gram last week. They saw several blocked arteries where stints were previously place. So they did surgery againt that day. He did not get released right away because he was having trouble with his kidney's. He finally got released Friday and by 2 am Sun he was back in the ER unable to urinate again. He was diagnosed with I can't remember the name but it is where the heart can't pump blood to vital organs properly so the organs can't function properly, ie urinate. So he is is still in the hospital, finally getting a room at 4 ;30 in the afternoon yesterday. That is on hell of a long time to have to wait in triag. Any ways the catheter is stil in and blood is still coming out (freakin scary). They did an ultrasound this am and are awaiting the results. Poor man is so weak still. Baba (short for Obachan - japanese for grandma) said he is in better spirits and apears stronger today. I was pretty upset yesterday because Peter's brother, an RN said it doesn't get any better, meaning hi heart and I thought he might die soon. Petr stayed positive and strong. We were going to visit yesterday but wanted to wait til he was given a room. We were going to take the other two kids but it got to late so his ex took them to see their Ojiichan. We are praying he makes a good recovery. Please say a prayer too. Thank you.

Ugly celebrities

heck out this link. Some of the pictures are really scarey

THE BOMB

TRANS SIBERIAN ORCHESTRA WAS THE BEST CONCERT I EVER WENT TO. GUEST APPEARANCE BY THE LEAD SINGER OF YES!!!!!!!!

Cool Slideshows

Trans Siberian Orchestra

Apparently the meeting at the school lasted 2 hours. The school psychiatrist, teachers, principal, counselor etc were there along with Andrews parents. He was officially diagnosed as emotionally disturbed, bipolar, some anger diagnoses and addict. Since he is finally diagnosed the SD can put him in a drug program and it will be payed for. They are sending him to a new school to get him away from all of his drug buddies. I guess the VP stated that he better not f off like always because she is pulling strings to get him into the most sought after school. His meds were switched recently and his mother reports that his anger explosions are less frequent and liveable. Let's hope that Andrew doesn't turn out like Peter's sister who has never gotten clean and has been in and out of mental institutions all her life. (She is still in one right now trying to get clean again) Peter's sister is bipolar also. Boy I pray that Aiden doesn't have all those problems.

We got a call last night from Uncle Solar who asked for me on the phone. So I assumed he wanted me to watch Seiji. Boy was I wrong. He said that he wanted to treat me and Peter to a concert but that we would have to pay for transportaion. He would pitch in for lodging. I said okay? So the trip was to go see a concert, Rod Stewart to be exact. Here is the catch. It is for Feb in Madison Square Garden. I had a momentary brain fart and asked where is that. he replied New York and at that moment I felt like the biggest idiot that ever walked the face of the earth. Any way I guess I sounded less than enthusiastic so he went through all the possible reasons which boiled down to leaving Aiden for a few days. In the end Peter talked to him the next day and told him no. His brother called me in the middle of class today and asked me to call back. I haven't yet and I am not crtain that I need to as Peter already talked to him and instead asked him to pick up 4 tickets to Trans Siberia Orchestra at Arco. Looks like we will be taking Andrew and his gf if they want to go.

bargain shopping

I usually by a lot of stuff online. For one it is easier than dragging my son to the stores, but also because shopping up here sorta sucks. Our JcPenney at the mall is so small all they have are clothes and a few sheets, towels and limited bedding. I got a queen size down alternative comforter for our bed for $45.00. I thought it was going to be $35 but I missed that sale I guess. I got two more pair of jeans for myself since I don't fit in any jeans except one pair. Just when I went out and bought moisturizer and stuff yesterday I came home and I apparantly missed cancelling a shipment of hydroderm so a box was sitting on my porch when I got there. I didn't tell Peter that I bought stuff yesterday.

Peter has a meeting at the high school for Andrew with his ex. His grades are terrible and I guess it is to see about getting him on track. Can't say back on track because he never has been on track. All I know is that he is not coming to live with us. Period. I know that Peter wouldn't even suggest it since he has his girlfriend now. Whew thank you Heather. Does this look like the boy is changing at all? He told his dad he has 15 days clean but I don't think he really wants to be clean. I would think if he intended to he would change his website a bit. He is too proud of the fact that he is drinking and druggin.

anti aging stuff

I tried the free trial of hydroderm and the exfolliant. The exfoliant was a teeeny tiny bottle and even though I could have used it daily I didn't. It cost $39 and lasted 2 months. The serum and cream for the trial cost $67 or so if you don't return it within 30 days. They automatically ship you a supply every two months unless you opt out or cancel. I fell in love with the stuff but it is too expensive (Peter through a fit) So now I am trying the Loreal microdermabrasion and peel kit for a fraction of the cost and lot bogger bottles. I tried it today along with the olay moisturizer. So far I like it. It can only be used 2 times a week. I liked the exfolliant from hydroderm because every day I sluffed off all the old skin and was left with a very clean, small pored and clearer complexion. I normally have large pores and I am often times broke out in black heads and pimples.

Christmas shopping

I bought a normally $600 watch for Peter for $338 and free shipping. Yeah I am sure he will love it. He better for that price. It is a diamond accented Bulova.

I didn't know what else to get him. He has an unnatural obsession with watches so I opted for that even though he already has close to 20. I think I will get him a watch case also.

The rest of the weekend went well on Sat and Sun. Peter's brother came over on Sat and the kids drove us crazy. Sunday we did shopping but not for Christmas. We better get a move on. I already know what my dad wants, the grandma's are pretty easy to buy for and the rest of the family is hard. Well except for my son who tells me at every commercial what he wants. LOL.

Speaking of my son. He has been playing nick jr games and is so good these days he needs absolutely no help. He can also switch to his dvd games by himself as I have walked in to find him playing pin ball when he was previously playing Wow Wow Wubzy. He uses his thumb on the mouse since his hands are too small but it doesn't slow him down. He also has two hand coordination and can use the arrow keys and space bar at the same time to make the characters walk and jump at the appropriate times. The bad part is we have tos hut the computer off just to get him off to eat or do something different. He is hooked and doesn't event ake his eyes off to look at you. So I am not even certain what his limit should be.

On a bad note. Someone broke into Jared's car over the weekend and stole his laptop that we just bought him last Christmas out of the trunk. So he lost the camera we gave him. He broke the camcorder we bought him and now this. I swear his kids are the most irresponsible I have ever seen.

ps

Maybe the title of the previous post should be the title of my blog. It has a sort of ring to it, don't you think?

Unreasonable bitch that I am

Hope you all had a wonderful turkey day.

Ours was very nice, up until the end that is, when Andrew wanted to spend the night. According to Peter he was having his mother drop him off at Ojiichan's house after their Thanksgiving in Oroville. I said that is fine, until he AND his girlfriend arrived. I wasn't asked if the girlfriend could spend the night on Aiden's birthday and Peter had already told the kids it was okay. I was pissed. So when she showed up I promptly went over to Peter and told him that the girlfriend spending the night is not a part of the deal. So he told the kids that they couldn't spend the night that night. So today rolls around and we were to go pick up Andrew and go Christmas shopping. Peter asked if he was spending the night and the answer was yes so Peter says to his son well can you come alone please I would like to spend some alone time with you. Andrews answer was apparently no and that her parents were going to Tahoe. Not my problem!!! So then Peter say well let me talk it over with Regina. My response did not change. First of all I don't care if they are sleeping in another room. They are both too young, secondly Andrew is not trust worthy and just because he recently started to try and get clean doesn't mean anything to me. He has to earn my trust. The last time he was at our house besides Aiden's bday he ordered porn on our cable with out permission (like we would give it) charged up $30 never apologized never offered to work off the money, he also stole my medication and ended up in the er, times before that he would go out and not come home making us go look for him and report him missing, charnged up porn on other occasion as well, had friends over and took pictures of them smoking pot in our house. Peter says I am being unreasonable. I did not budge no matter if I was crying or he was pissed because I started swearing. He claims that I wasn't compromising. I told him oh fuck that I compromise plenty in this relationship. He asks what would make me happy. Is aid if you respected my feelings. He claims he does. I said well then if you respect my feelings then let's talk about sex so then he blamed me not wanting Andrew to spend the night is because I was trying ot get even. That made me even madder but I told him he was the one that changed the subject and that I am pretty happy with our relationship but when it comes to his son it is the only freakin time we really argue. I told him Andrew is more than welcome to come up here by himself but it is NOT MY FAULT his son is so immature that he won't come up unless he can have a slumber party. I said that right there shows his immaturity and lack of consideration for your feelings. Fuck that. Oh then he tried to say I wasn't allowing his son to come up because I didn't like him. What ever, Petr was just trying to get back at me like an immature 15 year old. Then he brought up how wild I was as a kid and I promptly told him that as an adult it doesn't mean I fucking aprrove of that behavior now. I said I certainly wouldn't let Aiden havea girl spend the night at age 15 and I certainly won't allow him to do wild things just because I did and if that is his reasoning and he wants his son to turn out the way he did then he's sick. That made him really mad. In the end he called up Andrew and told him I wasn't comfortable but that he would still pick him up to shop. Asked him if he would come spend the night any way. NOPE Selfish little brat that he is. Nothing has changed about his behavior I am sorry. I am not about to provide him with the convenient opportunity to have a fuck fest in our house. Peter left and as we promised my dad is bringing Aiden over to be babysat. I refused to go with Petr and here I am at home. Before he left we both apologized. I did not apologize for my feelings however. If I allow it now then I have to allow it again and again and with diffrent girls and blah blah blah No way. I even vented to Harumi last night and I know that she said something to Peter's dad because when he called last night to make sure we got home he asked something about Andrew and Peter had said that he took the kids home and then in that tone of ofcourse not he said NO, DAD! I know it had to do with her and him spending the night. I told my dad what was going on over the phone and told him Peter would be late. He agrees with me, ofcourse he is from a conservative generation. Things might be different of Andrew behaved differently but here is a boy that called me cocksucker, cunt, ugly anorexic bitch and expects me to just roll over to what ever his dad says. Oh I don't think so. Not after he has repeatedly missbehaved. less than a week ago he took Morphine, a hallucinegenic and pissed all over his mothers floor he was so out of it. Yeah and I am the foul mouthed unreasonable bitch in the family. That should have been my costume, oh wait it already was/is.

Pumkin pie season

Day what ever on You On a Diet and I have kept up with my walking and eating until today. A pumpkin pie was calling out to me at the grocery store. Bought it and I am now sitting here at 11:39 pm eating a slice. I caved because I kept thinking about having one all night long.

I am feeling the exact opposite of last week. I don't feel so depressed and I have energy now. A lot more than last week. I think a big part of it is hormonal too. I need to go back on the pill. I get pms really bad and terrible mood swings. I think going back on the pill would help. The problem is that I have no insurance now. I thought about going to planned parenthood to see if they could help out. I am due for a pap this month any way. Maybe I should go to the clinic I was going to since we moved here. I am not sure what to do.

I still think Jared's ex girlfriend is a bitch and I don't have any problems telling Peter either. I guess she emailed him recently saying she misses Jared's family. Yeah she missed getting help financially from Peter. I had written an email to Jared a few weeks back saying that I bet she has his camera and the reason she put her myspace on private was so we couldn't see the ongoing pics. So he never responds to me but she does and says a bunch of immature crap and to stop thinking that she is heartless and would mow Jared over. She talks about that Jared's behavior made her realize she needs to focus on school and work. Yet she was the one that fucked the neighbor guy and now she has a pic on her myspace profile of her and some dude with is hand on her boob. Yeah I know where her focus is. She is two faced and Peter still thinks it is all my fault that her and I don't get along because I was on meds when she stayed with us two summers ago. That story is really long and I don't feel like typing everything that happened. Well enough of that. I better go to bed.

Going to fit in my clothes again

Day three on the You On a Diet plan. It isn't hard really and I haven't been hungry it just takes discipline. Discipline of not putting french fries in my mouth if Aiden has some. Discipline of cutting up loads and loads of veggies. I eat veggie pita's nearly every snack and I eat a huge salad every lunch. I have also been walking every day for a half hour. If the weather doesn't permit it I bought a aerobic video. I am also considering taking a PE class at school. The next semester starts in Jan. I only fit into one pair of jeans now and many tops are too small. Time to do something about it. Blah

ps.

Cali the enchiladas turned out fine. I used medium hot enchilada sauce so they were too spicy for Aiden. Poor guy spit it out. We had them again last night with stir fry veggies. This am Peter says what were you thinking making stir fry and mexican last night. Well it is the thinking of a depressed person. I knew I needed to get some veggies in me and I didn't want the enchiladas to go to waste.

I wrote a big ole long post yesterday about being depressed and ditching school and ow I finally took a shower after 1 and dragged my ass to the grocery store. Then blogger was down for maintenance. Man I hate that and there is no way for me to save it except copy and past to Word or something but I didn't. I opted to be depressed AND pissed off.

Now I am back to just depressed.

Andrew has been taking Morphine and some other hallucinagenic drug. He was acting strange and not talking in coherent sentences on Wed night. He peed on his mom's kitchen floor. I would have taken my son to the hospital and had his stomach pumped, but that is me. She is taking him to an NA meeting tonight. One that I used to go to when I lived at MAD house. I guess Andrew didn't tell her about the drugs but his girlfriend, heather did. She said he has been getting the stuff at school. As for Jared he doesn't come home anymore and is hanging out at his friends house. This friend got him a job selling cell phones but Peter said "I think he is a faggot and is stringing Jared along". I don't think he meant faggot faggot he always calls losers such as my exhusband a faggot.

Friggin enchiladas

Some days it is so hard to get myself motivated. Motivated to clean the house, to do laundry, to do the dishes, to do homework, to cook dinner and even to do things my son likes to do. Today is one of those days. I still have the homework and dreaded cooking to do. I can't pull the you are eating curry (premade packaged) and rice card tonight because that was last night. I was still feeling sick yesterday so Peter told me to go ahead and feed him curry. I ate a bologna sandwhich and Aiden ate left over Stauffers lasagna(sp?). We have a stack of corn tortilla that needs to be used up so I really ought to make enchilada's. Peter bought this hue stack and I do not know what he was thinking. There are like 50 of these in one bag. There are 2 1/2 of us. How in the hell am I going to use up that many tortillas. Do tortilla's freeze well? I seem to recall trying and then they fell apart on me after defrosting. I don't even feel like amking stinking enchiladas, it takes forever and gets me and my kitchen messy. So maybe I will make it another day, now what to make with a lb of ground beef I already defrosted. Never mind I am off to make friggin enchiladas. I can't listen to my conscience eat at me over the much needed to be used tortillas.

Still feel yucko

Went to school, missed one on my quiz last week. Now I am back home and going back to bed while Aiden is still in daycare. Screw homework, housework and laundry for the day or atleast until I get a few hours sleep. Last night was the pits in a bad way. BAH

Definately sick

We spent the whole day Sat and into the evening at Peter's parents house and I didn't feel too bad and it was a really nice visit. We ended up seeing uncle Solar and Seiji over there so he didn't have to drive here. Then on Sunday my dad and Monti came over and visited at our house. Monti brought up a pork loin cooked in the crock pot with onions and cherries. It was pretty darned good. So I made brown rice cooked with chicken broth and a butternut squash. Thank heavens it was easy stuff. I felt sick on Sunday and super tired but I hung in there and visited.

Now today is another story. I had to get up early because I am so completely stuffed up. I was drooling all over myself from breathing thru my mouth. Talk about cotton mouth. Any ways up about an hour before I usually get up. I went straight for the cold medicine and a cup of coffee. I got a really sweet note this am. It said Goodmorning Mrs. ....... (Peter's last name) Hope you feel better today. Stay warm and dry. Love Peter. I called him right away and thanked him. he is on his way to Sparks Nev. to do reapir work, Blah. Sometimes he get stuck doing it because the customers specifically ask him to because they don't trust anyone else, so ofcourse Peter never says no.

Oh heavens it is going to be hard with Aiden today.

illness sucks!

I think I am getting what Aiden has. In the middle of the night my throat was sore. I sucked on a cough drop all night long. Took lots of sips of water to help eas the pain. I am stuffed up too. Having to take a decongestant and even nasal spray. Ughh

Now today I am so tired. I need to get the house straightened and clean again for visitors tomorrow but the hell with it I am going to take a nap when Aiden does in about 35 minutes. I was going to do art crafts with him but I am just to tired to get it done and then cleaned up. I plan to have him make Christmas ornaments out of home made self hardening clay. I got this art book I bought through Book of The Month Club and it is all about arts and crafts for 3 to 6 year olds. What a fun book but I need to get a ton of supplies. He just loves art and to make messes but I really have to be up for it I tell you. It is not an every day event around here like it is at his preschool. They do art every day sp Aiden brings home tons of projects that he made and I am putting them in Scrapbook albums and all over his wall and a small wall in my bedroom. Those things are so cute. Peter is always saying, you can't keep all of his papers the rest of his life. I usually reply yes I can.

Any ways hope everyone has a great safe, fun, and healthy weekend.

Guess Jared isn't coming up after all. He wants to be available just in case a prospective employer calls and wants him to show up for an interview etc. He is now interested in selling cell phones. Peter isn't too happy with his decision because quite frankly Jared doesn't have the skills to verbally communicate well and is not assertive enough to be a sales person and he mumbles. He is going to live and learn from this I suppose. H ealso applied at Lowes and they seem to be a pretty good employer. A new Lowes is opening up here in town and I am even thinking about part time employment. The only thing is I can't have screwy hours because most of the time Peter would not get off of work in time to pick up Aiden from Daycare.

real age

I took the real age test and it said I am 49 eeeeek! So I have promptly made some lifestyle changes. I am reading the You on A Diet Book (Oprah show) and doing the 14 day You diet. I started walking, stretching and choosing healthy foods only. I will pst how it goes.

I guess this weekend we are having a lot of family over. My dad and Monti, Uncle Solar and Seiji and Jared. I was quite surprised Jared wanted to come up again but I think it is because we don't put him to work really like his step dad does. He will help clean the fish tank this weekend but that is it. Not like reinsulating at his step dad's.

I went to class and it wasn't so bad. I think I might have done okay on the quiz. I totally studied the wrong material Arg. From here on out he said it should be pretty easy. Yeah right.

Aiden is still sick so I picked him up from daycare early. I need to wash the dog today and mop the floors and clean the toilets for the weekend. I already dusted and vacuumed. Now what the hell to do for dinner.

Blah

Another day with a sick child, lack of sleep and no energy. Blah sums it up both physically and mentally. I am going to have to go to school tomorrow and I don't feel like doing my make up work or studying. Blah on that too.

Biatch

I had forgotten to post some stuff for last week so I did and it is in the order written. Anyways Jared went over to Christina's yesterday with his mom to get his stuff and the bitch "couldn't find the camera" Yeah right she used it on 11/4/06 to post a new myspace pic and then set it to private so we won't see what other new pics she has taken. I so wish we could send her a bill for the camera. It was not meant for that bitch.I guess he got everything else, shut down his comcast, PG&E and got himself off the lease. He should have never paid her for the $100 he owed on rent. Her true colors are really showing and I told Peter the other day, I told you so and he was like I told you what. So I said I told you a long time ago she was no good and would hurt him but I didn't expect it so soon. She already has a pic up of her and this new guy that she cheated on Jared with and his family at some amusement park thing. I wish I was 14 again and could justify calling her and telling her exactly what I think of her. Oh well I got to stop letting her rent space in my head free of charge cause it is getting old.

Aiden is sick and has been since the middle of the night Sunday. He has been using the potty on his own on a more regular basis. I knew that is how he would finally do it. he would scream at the idea of using the potty but when it is his idea he is eager to go. He gets so much praise from us and lots and lots of stickers. Stickers are still a nice reward.

Peter and I have been getting along real well. In fact I think he even feels closer to me now. He has been pretty sweat these past few days. We really have come a long long way. I am glad I didn't give up on him. I have an easy life because of him and I am ever so grateful. Sometimes I miss work but I don't miss the stress of it all. School is still going well except for missing a few days here and there because of Aiden's illness and what not.

Jared's visit was short but went well. He is supposedely going over to Christina's house today to nget his stuff. We urged him to get everything we had given them because technically it is his not hers. We gave him a $300 camera, a laptop computer, bathrom rugs, a bed, a stereo, rice maker, etc. i sure hope he doesn't play his mr nice guy card. he is still trying to suck up to her. I have been looking at their my space sites and she took him off her friends list. he posted a bunch of notes on the 4th and she never responded. just goes to show whe is still breaking up and he doesn't want it. We prayed for him every night and assured him life will get better. I told him what ever he does don't marry his grief. I hope he understood what I meant.

We watched flight 93 and after ward I bawled my head off the rest of the night. i don't talk much about the goings n outside of my little world and for the most part I try a lot of times to not know. When you really look the world is in such violence, destruction, and down fall. I get wrapped up in that shit and get all too sad so I try to avoid the news at times and the news paper. I have been reading lately and there have been so many cop killings this past year. It is crazy.

Funny face 

I was three years ild in this photo. Probably the best my mom ever looked and my dad as well. 

I guess Jared is going to come spend some time at our house to get away from it all. I am going to go pick him up tomorrow after he gets his paycheck. My dad's gf isn't feeling too hot still so we are going to shoot for tomorrow and even if she can't go I may go and drop off Aiden at Ojiichan's house.

Today is Aiden's actual birthday and I sent him to school. I think he would have a much better time at school than at home any way. He was stuck at home with me all day yesterday. Although he didn't seem to mind playing with his toys and painting the dog neon orange when I wasn't looking. I had to put a stop to that real quick. Aiden had to not move in the kitchen while I threw the dog in the bath tub and close the door. Then I had to clean Aiden's feet before he could even walk to the bathroom to wash his hands and arms. Then I had to clean the tile and grout before it set in before I could even wash the dog. That whole fiasco was a pain but when all was done I laughed. Grandma Monti got a good laugh out of it this am.

My dad is in Branson,Mo. and called to wish Aiden a happy Halloween. I had to cut it short though because I felt sick. I missed out on Halloween from feeling like barfing so Peter had to take him trick or treating. I will have to show Aiden on a map where Papa is. I got to go to Branson when I was married to my first husband who had relatives in the rural town of Macon, Mo. They drove me to what is now the College of The Ozarks. When my dad went there it was a boarding school and a self sufficient community. They raised their own meat, grew their own crops, and generated their electricity, etc. His high school reunion is this month. When we went though the tour was closed and I just walked around the college. My ex got the pics from our trip and that is the only thing I regret not taking. I got some really cool photo's. Dad and Uncle Gordon are going to visit cousins while there. Pretty cool if you ask me.

Today is sad and happy

Happy because of Aiden's birthday this week, I got a 92 out of 100 on my test and I am still happy to be getting married one of these days. Sad because Jared and Christina are really breaking up. I woke up at 4 am today and was thinking about Jared and couldn't go back to sleep. So I called this am and he sounded terrible. So I called Peter and he said that Jared had spent the night last night with her so he wasn't to worried. Then later today Peter called me and said Jared was upset because they are breaking up and he got fired for missing work (because Christina cheated on him and they were breaking up so he was too upset to go in). I know he is hating life right now and he is the kind of person that always plays the victim and thinks that God hates him or something. I hate that he is always feeling like a victim because he will always be a victim and he just doesn't see it like that because he is a victim!!! Arrgh. Well anyways Peter told him to pack all of his stuff up and then Peter would go over and pick it all up. He is going to move back in with his mom. Peter will tell him that he is welcome at our house to get away from it all. I told him to tell Jared he can come tonight if he wants and he would have the whole house to himself for most of the day tomorrow since I am going to Sacto. to see my aunt.

The blonde boy is Grandma Monti's grandson and really was like my dad's first grandson for years. 

Uncle Solar's son, Quin 

Group picture. The small woman in the center in the back is Baba's daughter, Kathy and I think Peter has a crush on her. She really is a sweet lady and recently divorced her alcoholic husband. Aiden adores her two son's. 

Jared's girlfriend and the boys. 

Seiji and Uncle Solar 

Awwww 

Andrew's new girl. She is actually really nice. 

Everybody getting some grub. 

This is what happens when I let him outside the next am afer his bath. 

Shampood and styled by your truly. 

Aiden found another use for toilet paper. 

The driveway race. 

Taken a few weeks before Aiden's party. Our lawn is the greenest, best manicured lawn in our entire neighborhood. We get people asking us all the time what we us on it. We use this fertilizer with a fungus killer in it and we water it for 10 minutes every night and twice a day when it is in the 105 F., heat. 

"Spookie cake" 

Peter's dad is 83 and Baba is in her 70's Don't they look great? 

You can see that Aiden has hazel eyes around the pupils like his daddy and blue around the outside. Lovely eyes 

Got milk? 

Too cute. 

Party favors 

Cool helicopter from Sam, Sally, Sam Jr and Taylor. 

Books yeah 

Remote control car from Papa and Grandma 

Yeah a great big Firetruck.